Predictors of Divorce

What are the negative behavior patterns that can predict divorce?  The leading academic research psychologist who has studied marriage for over 35 years, John Gottman, Ph.D.,  has named the most corrosive negative behavior patterns, “The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse.” Specifically, these are:

• Criticism: stating one’s complaints as a defect in one’s partner’s personality, i.e., giving the partner negative trait attributions. Example: “You always talk about yourself. You are so selfish.”
• Contempt: statements that come from a relative position of superiority. Contempt is the greatest predictor of divorce and must be eliminated. Example: “You’re an idiot.”
• Defensiveness: self-protection in the form of righteous indignation or innocent victim-hood. Defensiveness wards off a perceived attack. Example: “It’s not my fault that we’re always late; it’s your fault.”
• Stonewalling: emotional withdrawal from interaction. Example: The listener does not give the speaker the usual nonverbal signals that the listener is “tracking” the speaker.

These predict early divorcing – an average of 5.6 years after the wedding. Emotional withdrawal and anger predict later divorcing – an average of 16.2 years after the wedding.

When asked what are the key findings of Dr. Gottman’s 35 years of research, the answer was the following two statements.

Happily married couples behave like good friends, and they handle their conflicts in gentle, positive ways.
Happily married couples are able to repair negative interactions during an argument, and they are able to process negative emotions fully.

More from John Gottman, Ph.D.:  http://www.gottman.com/